You know the “perfect” couples you see all over social media, always smiling, always loving on one another? Yea, that isn’t reality! Relationships take work! Some days you’re in love, some days you’re annoyed by every single thing your partner does. I’ve been married for nearly 7 years, so trust me, that’s how it works! But, no matter what, the love and romance have to always be there. It’s why Bart and I continue to fall deeper and deeper in love with one another. Here are my suggestions for how to keep the romance alive in your relationship.
Prioritize Going On Dates
Take it back to when you were first falling in love. Dates, day or night, are a non-negotiable in our household. We try to fit in a date at least once a week, schedules permitting, so we can have time to ourselves, without the kids, work, and all the other distractions life throws at you. Sometimes we plan them in advance, other times we’re spontaneous and take advantage of a suddenly open afternoon. Like last weekend when we got a babysitter and headed to Downtown Detroit to chill on the most amazing rooftop bar. Being with a partner who has a sense of spontaneity and the willingness to explore and have fun is essential. It’s a game changer. Tap into your love-struck 20-year-old self who’d do anything and everything to spend time with your crush, and put that energy into cultivating your long-term relationship.
Be Each Other’s Biggest Cheerleader
There’s no one in the world who should support you like your partner does. Being each other’s biggest cheerleader is what makes succeeding and growing as individuals that much more fulfilling. Fortunately, Bart and I are genuinely best friends. We like each other, as people. And so when one of us does something fabulous–whether it be when I throw a fundraising event or Bart is interviewed on the news–we excitedly share the experiences. It’s human nature to feel jealous at times, like you’re not doing as much as those around you. (Which happens sometimes as my husband is often on the news and speaking at events.) But when those emotions sneak up, I work hard to pull them back, recenter, and remember we’re building this together. We are a team. He invites me to sit with him in the front row at a town hall meeting, and I have him in photoshoots and at events. We’re both engaged with the other’s passions and projects, because we’re committed to capturing moments together and building our dreams.
Get Physical!
The difference between friends and partners is the romance. So stoke that romantic vibe! As women, there’s only a couple weeks a month (you know, because our cycle seems to take over our lives!) when we actually are in the “mood.” Still, try to always connect physically, even if it’s snuggling and hugging. Sleep naked with each other. And make time for sexy time. If you go to bed with your phones on, you’ll feel like roommates. Make it a priority to disconnect from the outside world and connect deeply with each other. Look into each other’s eyes and share and visualize your dreams.
Evolve Together
Being willing to evolve personally for the better is one of the keys to how to keep the romance alive in your relationship. The happier you are, the healthier your relationship will be. Bart has started meditating with an app, which directly inspires me to be more mindful of my meditation practice. When both of us exercise, we see how the endorphin release ultimately positively affects our moods which improves our engagement with our family.
Appreciate Your Partner’s Parenting Style
Now that Bart and I are parents, we love watching each other parent. We try our best to appreciate our varying parenting styles. Admittedly, sometimes I micromanage but I really do try to sit back and appreciate, let Bart take the kids to Costco in their pajamas, as much as every part of me wants to scream, “No!” He’s bonding with them in his own way, and teaching them other ways of being, which is the beauty of having two parents. Two parents, two perspectives, two experiences. We support each other’s role, which cultivates happiness in our family.
Communication Is The Key To Happiness
Everything is about compromise. If we have a disagreement, we talk it out and compromise. For instance, Bart recently started playing golf a lot more. I laugh thinking about how 7 years ago when we first married he’d say he didn’t want to golf because it’d take too much time away from his business and family. And since joining a golf club last year, he’s gotten really into golf, coming home later than he ever used to. It’s brought up feelings of resentment. I’m home with the kids while he’s out having fun. So we sat down, talked about it, and I’ve worked on releasing some of those negative feelings. I recognize the importance for him to have an outlet too and that golf is a great business networking opportunity. So we compromised and instead of golfing 5 days a week, he’s going a few days. We found a middle ground, and both of us feel appreciated and heard.
Speak Kindly To One Another
The words we use to talk to one another and talk about the other is so important, especially if your love language is words of affirmation like it is for me. Using appreciative words like “thank you” and “you look really nice” go a long way! Remember the compliments you shared when you first started dating? Continue saying those throughout your entire relationship! Words are powerful.
Be The Best Version Of Yourself
Committing to being the best version of yourself for yourself is possibly the most important way to keep the romance alive in your relationship. If you’re happy with who you are, everything and everyone in your life benefits. You don’t project your unhappiness and insecurities onto your relationships. You keep your identity as an individual. You pursue your passions and do the things that keep you the healthiest, mentally and physically. When you’re happy, you’re happier in your relationship. I know from personal experience!
All these things take practice. Adjusting and improving won’t happen overnight, but with effort and awareness you can rekindle the romance you felt while first courting one another. You must prioritize your relationship above else. Communicate, be physically affectionate with each other, be spontaneous. You are each other’s best friends. That is the foundation for everything in your lives.